I have recently been bombarded received an awful lot of emails from you, George Osbourne and a few others at Conservative head office.

During the election campaign, while these were far too numerous and repetitive, I didn’t mind much.   Though I’m not sure where you got my email address from or what agreement you thought I had given you that I wanted this correspondence, it was at least more convenient than all paper propaganda I got through my letterbox (from all parties, though, again, more from The Conservatives than the other parties)

But since the ballots closed at 10pm last Thursday I’ve been getting really fed up of it.

The tone has changed.  Rather than slagging off the opposition and asking for my support and vote, you have now started to use arrogant language that just assumes that I did support and vote for your party (which, as it happens, I did not).

I wanted a hung parliament.  And I got one.  Thanks.

No matter which parties were to be involved in a coalition (the formal one you’ve agreed or another form, had it gone that way) I’m just glad that parties are having to work together and it’s not a single party forcing things through regardless.

Now, to be honest, I’m not really a big fan of you but I reckon you’ve been talking pretty sensibly over the last 24 hours or so and I’m hopeful that you and your party will keep up the apparent openness, positive consultations, and alleged desire for fairness.

But please: stop claiming my vote, stop implying greater Conservative support than there was, and please PLEASE stop emailing me bollocks.

Regards

Mydogminton

PS – I have included below a couple of examples with comments to help you understand the problem.

So, here’s the email I got from you on Saturday 8th May 2010:

Dear Alistair,

From the bottom of my heart – thank you.

You’re welcome.  For what?

Thank you for voting Conservative on Thursday. Every vote counts and you helped Britain vote for change.

Ah.  How embarrassing.  You see, I actually didn’t vote conservative.  Perhaps you want a different Mydogminton?

More than that, I want to thank you for fighting and campaigning so hard for the past few weeks. I know how hard every supporter, member and activist worked during this campaign. I know how tough and gruelling it was. I know how tired you all feel now. You’ll have blisters from all the pavements you’ve pounded; paper-cuts from the envelopes you’ve stuffed; bruised knuckles from the doors you’ve knocked on.

Yeah, I think you’re definitely after somebody else.  The only things I’ve done to help is scan and upload some of your leaflets to The Straight Choice.

But I don’t want you to doubt for one minute that it has been worth it. First of all, we should be proud not just of how hard we fought, but the way we fought. Our campaign was unremittingly positive and optimistic – and that’s just what our country needed.

Sorry – unremittingly positive and optimistic?  Now I’m thinking you’ve got the wrong party and election as well as the wrong Mydogminton.  What the HELL about these:

Or this:

Second, we should be proud of the results we achieved. We gained more seats than at any election since 1931. We became the largest party in the House of Commons by a considerable margin. And we got two million more votes than Labour – and indeed, more votes than Labour did when they won in 2005. The swing we achieved was massive by historic standards.

We?

By any measure, these are really impressive results and I, the Shadow Cabinet, our MPs old and new, and all our candidates owe each and every one of you a huge thank you.

But however much pride we can take in the enormous advance, we have to accept that we fell short of an overall majority. I know how much you wanted one – I wanted one too. But now we have to work with what we have. As I have been saying these past couple of days, it is vital Britain gets strong, stable and decisive government. The challenges we face – a war in Afghanistan, the debt crisis and an economy that is stuck, deep social problems, political crisis – call for nothing less. So it is in Britain’s national interest that the Conservative Party rises to this challenge and works to secure good government for our country.

I didn’t want an overall majority.  I wanted a hung parliament.

That’s why yesterday, I made a big, open and comprehensive offer to Liberal Democrats. [blah blah trident, blah, immigration, blah blah] Inevitably, these negotiations will involve compromise. But that’s what working together in the national interest means. I hope we can sort things out as quickly as possible, for the good of the country. But we won’t rush into any agreement.

We’ve got to make sure that anything that results really is the best possible outcome for Britain – that it really is in the national interest. After all, that’s what this party has always been about. That’s what I’m about. And I know that’s what you want, and what the country wants right now too.

Thank you.

And this is the email I got today (Wednesday 12th May 2010) having become the new Prime Minister yesterday evening:

Dear Mydogminton,

Thank you for all your patience over these past few days. I know that you must have found it frustrating not knowing exactly what was going on while negotiations continued. However, the great news is that after 13 years, our party is back in government.

No.  Actually, I haven’t sound it particularly frustrating.  Sorry, who’s party – don’t tar me with your shitty stick.

So first, I want to thank again for all your hard work and dedication, not just over the past few weeks but over the past few years. I literally could not have done this without you. We can be immensely proud of how far we have come from our defeat in 2005.

Believe me – you very much did do this without me.

We have seen the election of nearly 100 extra MPs, we have gained more seats than in any election since 1931 and we are now the party of government once again. No-one should underestimate the scale of our achievement in such a short space of time, and it would not have been possible without your support and commitment to the cause.

No.  You’re not the party of government.  You’re one of two parties who have jointly formed a government.  Too many people (63.9% of voters, in fact) wanted somebody other than you, for you to be the party of government on your own.

Second, I want to tell you what I can about the agreement we have made with our new partners in government, the Liberal Democrats. As I said after the election last week, more than anything else Britain needs strong, stable and decisive government at this point in our history. And it was in the national interest that we achieved this on a secure basis.

This is why I made a big, open and comprehensive offer to the Liberal Democrats last Friday. I signalled, from the very start of the negotiations, that we had to respect the verdict of the electorate and work together to find solutions to the profound problems facing our nation: the debt crisis, our deep social problems and our broken political system.

Our broken political system that you spent a lot of time campaigning to keep most of?  Or a different one?  And as for respecting the verdict of the electorate… we’ll see, but you could start off by not claiming to be the party of government.

Today, we have achieved this much-needed agreement, overcoming political differences to forge a new government in the national interest. Of course, we must recognise that all coalitions are about compromise. This one is no different. And I want to take this opportunity to reassure about what was agreed.

The agreement commits the next government to a significantly accelerated reduction in the budget deficit, to cut £6 billion of government waste this financial year and to stop the jobs tax. The agreement also allows us to carry out key elements of the reform agenda we outlined in our manifesto – an agenda vital to turning our country round – including welfare and school reform. Moreover, we have protected our nuclear deterrent. And there will be no amnesty for illegal immigrants, nor the handover of any additional powers to the EU.

In the spirit of respecting the electorate, it would be better if you could respect me enough to realise that I’m probably intelligent enough to make my own judgement about Labour’s proposed rise in National Insurance rather than treating me like an idiot who has to be spoon fed the information by calling it a “jobs tax”.

Of course, the agreement also reflects the key priorities and objectives of the Liberal Democrats. This includes fairer funding in education, a fairer tax system and political reform – including a referendum on changing the voting system to the alternative vote.

A referendum that you’ll no doubt find a way to campaign for a “no” vote in, whether openly or via third parties.

But the past few days have not just been about compromise. What was clear as talks progressed is the common ground between the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats. And that is displayed in this agreement, with our commitment to building a green economy, decentralising power and protecting civil liberties – including scrapping ID cards.

We campaigned on the belief that we’re all in this together – and can only solve our problems together to build a stronger, more responsible society. I am confident that the coming together of two political parties to form one strong government marks a new era for Britain and for British politics. Now, let’s get down to work.

Yes, let’s get down to work.  Could you start be removing me from this mailing list.   I’m pretty damn certain I never asked to receive almost daily email from you & George.

Prime Minister & Leader of the Conservative Party

Below is a letter I sent my MP, Sadiq Khan (@sadiqkhan) about the Digital Economy Bill. You may want to write something similar: http://www.38degrees.org.uk/page/speakout/extremeinternetl

Dear Sadiq.

I am extremely concerned at the Government ‘s current attempt to rush the Digital Economy Bill through Parliament before the forthcoming election and without a full Parliamentary debate.

This law is controversial, ill thought through and contains many measures that concern me. Any controversial Bill deserves proper scrutiny and debate so please do not let the government rush it through.

Industry experts, ISPs (including Talk Talk & BT) and huge internet companies (including Google & Yahoo) are all opposing the bill – yet the Government seems intent on forcing it through without a real debate. On top of that many people think it will damage schools and businesses as well as innocent people who rely on the internet because it will allow the disconnecting of people suspected of copyright infringement.

I support the industry in their battle to prevent theft of copyright materials but this is not the solution. Many of the figures cited by the industry are dubious at best and often just plain wrong, as Ben Goldacre has exposed several times.

Some elements of the bill may well be desirable and sucessful, but as opinion is so wildly divided and many experts see serious problems with it, there MUST be a full and open debate on the matter.

As a constituent in Tooting I writing to ask that you do all you can to ensure that your honorable friends do not rush this bill through denying the popultion our democratic right to scrutiny and debate.

Regards
[My Name & Postcode]

You may also want to read these:

• Bill Thompson – Is it time to defend our rights?
• Open letter to Financial Times from Google, Facebook, Virgin Media, Talk Talk, eBay, BT, Yahoo, and Tom Watson MP
• Open Rights Group – Digital Economy Bill: dangerous and draconian just got dictatorial
• Steve Lawson – “Piracy” And The 3 Strikes Law – A Few Thoughts From A Working Musician

Twitter Hashtag: #debill

You can also watch it on the Doctor Who website but it’s not that easy to find and there doesn’t seem to be a URI for that clip on that page. FFS.

Thought I might as well post from FrightFest – the annual horror film festval in Leicester Square.  It actually started yesterday evening but I didn’t have a chance to write anything.  Too busy drinking to be honest.

I’m not going to go on about it in too much detail (though I’m sureyou may want to avoid my tweets for a few days if horror films aren’t your thing.

Me and @moviegirlghost have been coming to bit of FrightFest for several years, initially just the odd film, then full days, and this year is the first time we’re here for the full thing (four and a half days).

There’s always a great mix of slightly crappy and really good films from a whole range of sub-genres, from slashers to ghost stories, and gore to just plain WEIRD.

Anyway, I’m currently sat on the floor, kind of right in front of the exit to the main screen in The Empire – Leicester Square and people have just started streaming out of it so I should probable hit “Publish” and get out of the way.

I’ll post laster or tomorrow with a few ill-observed and poorly written thoughts on some of the more notable films.  If you want some real comment, you could do much worse than go over to Total Film‘s coverage or keep an eye on their tweets.

SLIGHT WARNING: Though I’ll try not to throw in any spoilers, inevitably I’ll give something away just by mentioning what sort of film some things are.

Turns out I’d been put on a new mailing list that Rex Osborn (a local Labour councillor) has decided to set up.  He didn’t introduce himself, explain where he’d got my email address from or why I might want to receive his updates.  In short, I’m pretty sure he’s in breach of the data protection act.

My local Labour MP, Sadiq Khan, is no better.  Despite regularly requesting (in almost all contact with him) that he only contact me by email and may not use my postal address, all responses come though the post. On all sorts of irrelevant topics (I really don’t care which care home he’s visited this quarter).

Don’t they train these people?  It’s really pretty simple. It’s not even about following the Data Protection Act to the letter. It’s about the spirit of the act and a basic respect for people’s preferences and rights over their own personal information.

Anyway, I’ve written back pointing this out (below, including the original email I received).  I’ll update if I ever get a response.

from:    mydogminton
to:    Councillor Rex Osborn <rosborn@wandsworth.gov.uk>
date:    28 December 2008 18:21
subject    Re: An seasonal message from Councillor Rex Osborn

Dear Rex,

Given that this a new mailing list which I didn't ask to be put
onto, you might at least introduce yourself (who exactly are you)
and say something of relevance rather than just a Christmas
greeting from somebody I don't know.  You don't even include a
link to a relevant web page so I can find out for myself.

You could also explain where you got the recipient's email
addresses from and why you thought we/they would want to be on
this mailing list. I am not saying that I don't want to receive
your updates - I simply don't know as I have no idea who you are,
what party you represent and what information might be in these
mail outs.

Starting off with a clearly labelled "Remove" option does not
absolve you from responsibilities under the data protection act.

Regards

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

from: Councillor Rex Osborn
to:   Councillor Rex Osborn
date: 24 December 2008 22:36
subject: An seasonal message from Councillor Rex Osborn

To be removed from Councillor Rex Osborn’s email distribution
please respond with REMOVE as subject.

Dear Friend

As a new initiative I have created an email distribution list and
for its launch I am sending everybody a seasonal message. So
before anything else let me wish you Season’s Greetings.

Over coming weeks and months I shall send out information and
occasional bulletins to this distribution list. In addition, if
you think I can help with anything then do let me know. (If you
are not interested or have moved away then I can easily remove
you from the list.)

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Wishes
Cllr Rex Osborn

The film was okay but not really worth bothering with.  To be honest, the best thing I’ve seen about it is an advert in our local pub.

You know those advert-mirrors?  They’re in a few pubs’ toilets.  It looks a bit like a bad mirror (or some one-way glass) but then a light goes on inside and shows up an advertising image of some sort.  They generally look like something out of Phoenix Nights but in this case, because of the subject matter, it actually kind of works: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mydogminton/sets/72157607943676860/

* I wrote this about 2 months ago but never got round to publising it.

First up is probably easily the most simple but effective short I saw at the Frightfest over August Bank Holiday weekend.  It’s called He Dies At The End and I think it’s a brilliant example of what you can do with a simple, well executed idea – regardless of the money or resources you can get your hands on.

I met these guys (including writter/producer/director Damian McCarthy) in the bar after FrightFest and they were a little surprised (I think, I was drunk) at the overwhelmingly positive reaction but I wasn’t.

The second is quite different but no less brilliant at executing a simple and effective idea in a very short space of time.  I don’t even know what it’s called of who it’s by (poor research on my part, I’ll update when I’ve got time to look into it) but it’s the trailer for this year’s Raindance Film Festival (1-12 October, London).

Unfortunately, Raindance have (perhaps unintentionally?) not made this available to embed so here’s a link: http://www.raindance.co.uk/site/raindance-independent-film-festival

Really Raindance, sort it the fuck out. You should know better.

Anyway, as I said, no time to go into any more detail on any of this now but I’ll be posting a review of the 2 days I was at FrightFest soon, plus (hopefully) a bigger post on some short/low-budget film stuff.

It seems to have kicked off quite a debate about this kind of thing. While the terms and conditions on Facebook require you to use your real name (as Kitten Fluff can testify), Twitter doens’t seem to have any such rules. It turned out to be the result of a DCMA copyright takedown notice although the accounts went back up soon after once AMC realised that they were missing a lot of free publicity (not to mention looking a total arse).

Give it a day or so and Wired decided to round up some of the many other factional Twitter accounts. I suspect this topic has legs and will run for the next week or so getting progressively more ridiculous and less interesting.

That said it does raise an interesting issue in terms of fan fiction as well as the verification of famous identities online. A couple of weeks back there was a bit of a rush to try to establish with @JohnCleese was actually that John Cleese.

Anyway, I found all of this vaguely amusing because, by pure coincidence, I created two fictional twitter accounts about two weeks ago.

Basically, and for no good reason other than it seemed like a funny idea to me (no pun intended… actually, maybe it was intended), I decided to set up Twitter accounts for British children’s TV stars The Chuckle Brothers: @paul_chuckle and @barry_chuckle.

As anyone in the UK will know, they’re mainly famous for their “To me, to you” catch phase so I’ve basically spent the last couple of weeks tweeting “To me” and “To you” between them: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mydogminton/2806876231/ (sorry – still fairly new to WordPress and can’t work out how to put an image properly, I’ll sort it later).

Anyway, just to clarify (before I get into any trouble anywhere):

• These are not the actual Chuckle Brothers, I have no affiliation with them, and I’m using their image and catch phase in good faith.
• The Chuckle Brothers official site can be found here: http://www.thechucklebrothersontour.co.uk/
• The closest thing I can find to a BBC page for them is this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/chucklevision/

Right then. That’s my achievement for August. What next….

Walthamstow Stadium has it’s final greyhound race meet tomorrow and will be formally handed over to property developers in September, then torn down to make way for houses.

I’ve never been there but I’ve been to Wimbledon dog track several times and always had a good time. I’ve never made or lost too much money (bets start at 50p I think) and there’s a good atmosphere with everyone from kids to regulars to hen-parties in attendance. It’s pretty relentless too: with a race every 15 minutes, that doesn’t leave you standing around with nothing to do for very long.

There’s a lot of analysis and strategy that can be applied to the selection of a hound to bet on; however I’ve always opted to stick to my own system. Like any good system, mine has simple, basic criteria which are always applied with a defined order of precedence:

1. If there’s a dog with a vaguely rude name, back it. Simple as that.
2. Next go for any name that’s either particularly silly or that can be said in a way that makes it sound a bit rude even though it’s not.
3. Finally, any dog that craps on the way onto the track is a worth a bet, just in case it wins thereby giving you a humorous story for later.

Anyway, the point of this post was that I’ve got a suggestion that Walthamstow Stadium Developments Ltd may wish to think about before knocking the place down.

I think there is a definite market for cat racing.

In particular I think that, providing a Turkish “Swimming Cat” can be trained to use a skate board (and there’s no evidence to suggest that they can’t) then there’s huge potential for a Cat Triathlon.

And the best thing about it is it would only require the alteration of a single letter on any signage: Walthamstow Mogs.

I know.

Anyway, I found this old beginning (twice) of a blog: http://blogging-a-dead-horse.blogspot.com/

Clearly by far the best the only good thing about it is the title.